As a greeter at church, I can say with absolute confidence that a certain conversation plays on rewind every Sunday. The conversation starts something like, “Hey. How are you?” “Good,” the other person responds, “How are you?” “Good,” the first person says, as though echoing the second. Neither are being honest, just what they deem as polite, but lying is never polite.

How are they really?

No one takes the time to find out. With the brief exchange, they each go their separate ways. I’m no longer guilty of starting such conversations, but I am guilty of participating. That’s why I wasn’t totally surprised when someone I work with dropped some heavy news on me recently. Despite my occasional “How are you,” she had not taken the time to be fully honest. She was used to the rhythm that plays out every Sunday at my church, encountering the same at her own.

But I wanted to know how she was really, and so I asked why now. The answer – the problem became too big for her to keep to herself. That led to a conversation about communication that all of us Christians can stand to hear.

If we are to be a church, or even a family, as pastors often say, then we should treat each other accordingly. Not standing on our own, but together. And not by the standards of our own families, but of the kingdom of God.

Too often are we focused on the next place to be, the next thing to do, and not being present where we are or who we are with. We’re hyper-focused on ourselves. Everyone else blurs into the background. That means we’re not loving in the way God commands. Today that should change.