Days before I got married, my pastor’s wife told me, “Your husband will never intentionally hurt you.” Twenty-two years later, I believe she was right—for the most part. Yet the key word is “intentionally”. Even though the average guy isn’t making it his mission to hurt his wife, he can unintentionally leave her feeling rejected, unseen, devalued—and ugly—without ever saying a thing.

Feeling beautiful is complicated. At the surface, there’s never been a woman who hated a good hair day. And should her salon-fresh locks catch the eye of her husband, she’s likely to hold her head higher, for she has captivated her man. But beauty runs much deeper, and when a husband fails to recognize his wife’s many stunning qualities, pain and resentment can set in.

Before I dive into this topic, it’s important know one thing: A woman must, above all, understand she is beautiful in the eyes of her Creator. Though she may look to her husband for validation, she must first “let the King be enthralled by [her] beauty” (Psalm 45:11).